Hi. I’m Megan.
So this is technically my third post but since I am just getting this together, I figured I’d post something more legit. Starting with a little more detail about me. Because this is a blog and they are usually relatively self-centered. Don’t expect it to flow the way an essay would. Not that it should. But here I don’t plan on focusing on my grammar, more on just being honest and getting shit out. It might be terrible. It’s hard to be totally honest but I try.
I’m about to turn 29. Two weeks. February 15th. I’ve lived my whole life in Lansdale, PA. Well, except that one time I lived in Hatfield which is the next town over. It was like not even a whole year so I don’t really count it. I have some pretty awesome parents who’ve had their fair share of struggle and yet always managed to keep me and my sister from really feeling it. I am the oldest by almost eight years and so I sometimes feel like an only child since I got a lot of time with my parents before Cathy. I think that’s a mostly good thing but I certainly have some only child tendencies that are associated with selfishness and such.
Depression has been a struggle of mine for a long time. It’s not something I think about in terms of how long really, it’s more like I know it’s just something that’s always been there. It’s just this little weirdo who tricks you sitting on your shoulder. Like the angel and devil except it’s really like a tricky goblin than a devil and both shoulders are the same. It’s shaped me and made me what I think is a pretty compassionate person. I have my moments where I’m an asshole. So does everyone. All in all, I think I’m a good person. I’m sure I’ll touch more on depression later on but for now let’s leave it at that.
My favorite person in the world is my fiance, Sean. We only got engaged a week ago and it was the coolest motherfucking thing ever. He’s the best. Like, for real. I’ve seen what’s out there and he’s practically perfect. He’s funny and smart and kind. Sean is my partner in all things and I honestly don’t even have words to describe how amazing he is. It’s gross. We are gross. And it’s awesome. I’m gonna make a baby with that man someday and he’s going to be the best father ever. Like, again, perfect. He’s so perfect sometimes I want to punch him in the face because my arms just don’t know what else to do. See above, Sean doing his favorite thing, sleeping on the couch with Bruce and Coco.
Here’s an example of texts we exchanged the other day:
Sean: I want your garlic bread in and/or around my mouth.
Me: By “garlic bread” I know what you really mean is “vagina”.
His response? Just “LOL”. That man takes everything in stride. It’s wonderful. He gets my nuttiness and I make him do things other than sleep on the couch after work on the weekends. We are balanced.
We have two dogs, Bruce and Coco, and a cat, Toad. They are the flippin cutest things you’ve ever seen. Everyone thinks their pets are the best. None of us are wrong. They will melt your heart in an instant.
I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up but right now I’m the Special Projects Manager for an electrical company. My boss is awesome. He held my hands, jumped up and down, and screamed with me when I got engaged because he understands that I work with a bunch of dudes who wouldn’t be nearly as excited about it as I am. I am lucky to have that. I realize that. But I still don’t know that this is what I want to do forever. I want to grow with this company but I’m afraid that things won’t work out the way I hope.
I wanted to be a mermaid when I grew up. Or a lawyer. Same thing. I wanted to travel the world. I’ve been to Mexico. So clearly I’m not good at meeting goals. Though I have been up and down the East coast and to California. I want to see Europe and Asia and everywhere though. THERE’S SO MUCH OUT THERE, PEOPLE!! I’ve never understood people who are so content growing up and staying in the same town. The world needs those people but I want to see everything else. I love my home, especially with Sean, but I want to see what else is out there. I’ve had wanderlust forever but haven’t had the means to go as many places as I wanted. Of course, looking back, I could have found a way. I was scared. One of my biggest problems has always been that I’m so afraid of failing that sometimes I have a hard time trying. That’s failure in itself. It sucks. Sometimes I suck.
It’s weird. I secretly think I’m the best and worst ever at the same time. Like, I can be judgey and snobby but at the exact same time I’m like I’m just judging you because I’m afraid you’re judging me and I just want to feel superior so I can not feel bad if you’re judging me harshly. It makes no sense. I guess that probably has something to do with the depression and somewhat newer social anxiety though. Full circle, y’all.