It’s so cold. Like, so. fucking. cold.

It’s actually been a pretty mild winter so far. For that, as a whole, I am thankful. But seriously. I’m over the cold we have had. I have a feeling that it’s going to be a long winter though maybe not so rough. It’ll go until the end of March/early April, rain all through May, and then feel like Spring come June. Not how I like my weather.

Pennsylvania is a great place to live if you like all four seasons. I happen to like only three of them. Fall, Summer, Spring, (in that order of favorites) are awesome. Fall is perfect and full of color and that weird sunlight. Do you know what I mean when I say, “weird sunlight”? It’s like everything kind of looks like you’re in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, the one with Johnny Deep, and all the colors are super bright yet slightly off. It’s awesome. The grass is that beautiful, deep, dark green and you just want to roll around in it, soaking up the sun. While you lay there, you can stare at the trees and imagine you can see them changing color. It looks like they are on fire in the most perfect way.

Winter, however, is the fucking worst. It can get so cold that it just seeps into your bones and no matter how many layers you put on, you’ll be freezing. It feels like you will never be warm again.

For example: I’m currently wearing leggings, sweatpants, a tank top, a thermal, a t-shirt, a hoodie, and a scarf. I am cold. I am not even outside.

I briefly considered lighting my house on fire this morning just so I’d be warm. (okay, not really, but I thought about it just not as an actual possibility)

The winter makes my soul hurt too. I’m incredibly affected by seasonal depression. It’s been much better the past two years and I chalk that up to having Sean in my life. He keeps me grounded. I still feel the depression gnawing away but now it’s more like a puppy gently chewing at my shoelaces, which is more annoying, instead of Cerebus and all his three heads tearing through my flesh and grinding away my bones.

Bad days are bad days, though. They come and go and often for no real reason. I just wake up one day and feel…lost. Exhausted. Getting out of bed is the most difficult thing to do on those days. I just want to curl up with my kitty and sleep forever. Luckily, today isn’t one of those days. I’m just tired of being cold and going to work before dawn.

I miss the sun.

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